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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
March 5, 2013
~QuixoticApricot "passionately describes the struggle with social anxiety disorder" in I Know How You Feel (suggester's words).
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Literature
still,
"i want grandchildren."
that car ride ruined some things
threw a wine bottle at the wall
15 years sitting
it was good enough or
it wasn't good enough
all the silence forced
my pride to jump out the window
if any rested in her
she showed it off like a speech bubble
tied it to her teeth
slammed it in the door
had it under her pillow for months
and years and years and years
there was no statement
there was no outstretched hand
just steering wheel clenching
knuckles white and jaw taut
(all because who i bed was not her mindful of
timeline perfection)
i still think i'm a tumor
--
she shows it off like a speeding ticket
i
Literature
All the Things You Never Knew
It was your favorite thing to say. “We know everything about each other. Not just the good things, but even the bad ones. We have no secrets.” And the way your eyes lit up when you said it, how your arm would curl around my shoulders and squeeze me against you… I couldn’t say anything. I promised myself that I would when we were alone, but the moment always seemed wrong and eventually the fact that I still had secrets became a secret itself.
It turns out I wasn’t the only one.
I never told you about the crying or the cutting or the nights I spent awake staring at the bottle of pills. I was terrified it would b
Literature
the day we died
It started when space imploded
you pulled me back, landed me on the moon,
so we could sit in the vacuum silence
and watch suns spiral down to hell.
You radiated, my minuscule flare,
your worn heat baked my bones brittle,
but it somehow made me stronger.
-
It ended when your eyes slid lateral,
fractured feelings leaking out in tears;
it was the first and last thing
I ever saw again.
This ridiculous happenstance,
simple in its impossibility,
was what broke us apart:
While solar light is beautiful,
it blinds when reflected by
automobile metal.
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I have an anxiety disorder, and after a lifetime of struggling against it, I thought I finally conquered it. Unfortunately, as these things are wont to do, it came back and the usual stuff I did isn't helping nearly as much as it used to. I've been trying to put everything I feel into words for such a long time, but poems never seemed to do this inescapable fear justice. After a particulary bad night, I just started writing, hoping it would be theraputic. And, actually, it was.
The second reason for writing this is because of that stupid line, "I understand" or "I know how you feel". Few things piss me off more than that. No, you don't understand. Unless you've ever had a panic attack in the middle of class caused by the THOUGHT of talking in front of everyone, unless it takes you an hour to write a one paragraph e-mail because you're afraid to get a response, no, you don't know what it's like.
I also joined a creative writing group on campus and didn't have anything to share. I'm long-winded and really uncomfortable sharing my writing with people face-to-face. I think I would like to bring this in, though.
EDIT: adnfmda;lfeo HOW?! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! ikandf;adsnfads;nf
I am so humbled and honored that simple, raw piece got a DD. I'm really...wow. I'm just blown away. I'll try to respond to everyone's comments. And a huge-ass thank you to and espcially and , two more brave and talented individuals. Give them some love!
I feel like I should give some sage advice to others who have problems with anxiety, but there's no easy fix for anything like this. Just know that you are not alone, and YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME.
EDIT 2: I wasn't expecting so many people to tell me their personal stories, or just saying that they were glad that they didn't feel alone anymore. I wrote a journal entry for those struggling with anxiety, going through the different types, techniques most commonly used to treat it, and my own tips and tricks: [link]
The second reason for writing this is because of that stupid line, "I understand" or "I know how you feel". Few things piss me off more than that. No, you don't understand. Unless you've ever had a panic attack in the middle of class caused by the THOUGHT of talking in front of everyone, unless it takes you an hour to write a one paragraph e-mail because you're afraid to get a response, no, you don't know what it's like.
I also joined a creative writing group on campus and didn't have anything to share. I'm long-winded and really uncomfortable sharing my writing with people face-to-face. I think I would like to bring this in, though.
EDIT: adnfmda;lfeo HOW?! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! ikandf;adsnfads;nf
I am so humbled and honored that simple, raw piece got a DD. I'm really...wow. I'm just blown away. I'll try to respond to everyone's comments. And a huge-ass thank you to and espcially and , two more brave and talented individuals. Give them some love!
I feel like I should give some sage advice to others who have problems with anxiety, but there's no easy fix for anything like this. Just know that you are not alone, and YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME.
EDIT 2: I wasn't expecting so many people to tell me their personal stories, or just saying that they were glad that they didn't feel alone anymore. I wrote a journal entry for those struggling with anxiety, going through the different types, techniques most commonly used to treat it, and my own tips and tricks: [link]
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This hit home... "Till it happens to you, you won't know how I feel..." In some way we all can relate to that sentiment.